Thursday, October 15, 2009

Solvable and Perpetual

Gottman (see previous post) says all marital conflicts fall into one of two categories: Solvable and Perpetual. Unfortunately, most of the conflicts in marriage are perpetual, which means they are issues that probably aren't going to change. So what does a couple do?

Gottman says "Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don't have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive." You can have a good, strong marriage even when perpetual conflicts exist. The key is finding ways to cope with those perpetual problems.

One way to cope is to uncover and share significant personal dreams you have in your life. Gottman believes that "urequited dreams are at the core of every gridlocked conflict."

When is the last time you talked to your spouse or significant other about they're hopes and dreams in life? If its been awhile, make it a point to catch up. Be open and honest, you might find that the perpetual conflict is easier to cope with if its connected to your partner's hopes and dreams.

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